We've known about Rose for four weeks. Our whole life now is a fantasy - Rose goes to school, to clubs, to play dates, to Brownies, to violin lessons. She has never looked so well or gorgeous or been so much fun - she has colour in her cheeks and is packed full of seven-year-old energy and life. I literally cannot believe this is happening to her. Tonight I picked her up from a friend's house - the girls put on a show and sang crazy songs giggling so hard they couldn't get the words out and as we left I wondered whether she will ever go back to that house again. My mind has a life of its own while I go through the daily motions of school, tea, homework, stories, bed. The days are ticking by and this Christmas amnesty will not go on forever. Today a repeat CT appointment fell through the door for 5th January and I felt sick. I wanted to phone the Marsden and say she couldn't make it, it's the first day of term, she's got stuff on that day, she's busy being seven.
I read a report from Medline sent to me by a friend about a Canadian girl, an osteosarcoma survivor from the 70s, who had 11 lung resections to remove metastatic tumours in a two year period. They treated her cancer hard and aggressively and she survived. I love this report so much that I print it off and put it in my purse. The same day I have to take down two fellow osteosarcoma sufferers' blogs from 'Favourites' on my pc at home because they have both died this month. I know in my heart the Canadian girl is a statistical blip.
