One more day until we go to the Marsden for the CT and results to find out if Rose is dying in one place or two. Taking and collecting from school is now almost unbearable - I dash in at the last minute at either end of the day and try to block out the 200 healthy children running around me.
Today I am at college and at lunchtime I walk out to get a sandwich. Toni, a registrar from the Marsden, calls me on my mobile and my heart lurches - she has reviewed the bone scan and plain film and in her opinion the suspect lump in her tibia could just be something benign on the prosthesis. We still need to do the CT tomorrow. Perhaps Kathy's palliative care talk last Friday was just a tad hasty and there is something we can do with the tumours on her lungs. My mind is going round and round like a rat on a wheel and I am insane with worry. Five minutes later someone else rings me again on my mobile from the Marsden and I think I am going to have a heart attack right there in the street. It's a very cheery man I have never spoken to before offering Rose charity tickets to a concert - 'her name has come up as a suitable candidate'. I bet it has. I turn them down politely and turn my phone off.
