So yesterday was D day and I'm glad it's over. Diagnosis day was a year ago yesterday and every nano second is as fresh in our memories as if it happened last week - this time a year ago we were staring blankly into a terrifying future with our heads full of unanswered questions and absolutely no idea what was in store for us all. Probably a bloody good thing. One brief encounter with a junior orthopoedic doctor on Good Friday at Kings was all we'd had but it was enough to know that things were very, very, very bad. The first MRI, biopsy and bone scans were all a few days away but it was already all a done deal, tumour diagnosed from a plain film x-ray, news broken standing up in a side room. Not a George Clooney or a helpline in sight.
Although a year on I could still say that most days I feel like we are staring blankly into a terrifying future in among all that there are days of happiness and euphoria and there have been more of those this weekend. I copped out totally of the potential for playing this-time-last-year all day with Simon and very selfishly went out for the day with a good friend. Definitely the best thing for all of us. The children were oblivious and Simon and I got through it in our own way and toasted each other's complete and utter magnificence in the evening!
Rose has had another great weekend - she has had a friend to play, been to see Marley and Me at the cinema, had supper at a Chinese restaurant and lunch today at Pizza Express (living in the moment is very, very expensive) and celebrated a significant family birthday. Snuffles was one today. See slideshow! For anyone who doesn't know who Snuffles is he is Rose's most adored (cuddly) dog. Bought only a year ago today he was of immediate and very special importance in her life and they have been inseparable and unseparated for a year. He has been into nine operating theatres, been put to sleep with his own mask for nine general anaesthetics, been into MRI, CT and bone scanners, slept most of the last 12 months in a variety of hospital beds in a variety of hospitals, his floppy, crusty ears have dried her tears and snot and been dragged through a variety of hospital meals, he has been to school and playrooms on wards up and down the south of England, been the cause of many panic-stricken moments when he has gone missing (including once being hauled out of the hospital laundry by a nurse and I in Stanmore) and is almost as loved and necessary to Rose as her real dog. And probably us. So we couldn't let the moment pass. As a counter to the more spine-chilling emotion of yesterday Rose and I planned a proper birthday party for Snuffles this morning. A select gathering of Build a Bears were invited to the party (proper invites and everything), fairy cakes were made, banners hung, balloons blown up, hats were worn (yes, we all had to but funnily enough no photos of that), presents given, happy birthday sung, candle blown out etc etc. Top fun all round and we now have an infinitely more cheerful way to remember this particular couple of days in March!
Another adrenaline fuelled week ahead - how they do roll round - with Stanmore and the Marsden on Thursday and Friday for leg and chest x-rays. And just as we have all year whatever the outcome Simon, me, Rose and Snuffles will face it all together.
